


flowers in my dresser drawer

by ladyofsnails



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/F, Freeform, Modern AU, Oneshot, mention of throwing knives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:48:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27708577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyofsnails/pseuds/ladyofsnails
Summary: My mother doesn’t like the flowers in my hair and forces me to take them out, but I keep one secretly in my dresser, pressed tightly between the pages of my favorite book. I take it out to look at it almost every night. It doesn't have a smell anymore, but it makes me remember the feeling of Ty Lee's hands in my hair and her flowery shampoo. I breath it in anyways, even if it is just my imagination.--[Or, a collection of snippets from Mai's life as she slowly accepts falling in love. Breakoff piece from my Zukka fic: old burn new flame tour of 2020]
Relationships: Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar), mailee - Relationship
Comments: 5
Kudos: 22





	flowers in my dresser drawer

**Author's Note:**

> I just feel like there needs to be more mailee out in the world so have this brain dump I made at 11:30pm

I am 10 years old, and I have three friends. Azula is smart and mean, but people say I’m mean too, so I guess we’re the same that way. Zuko is really nice and sweet. Ty Lee is happy all the time. I don’t talk to them a lot, but they talk to me. I don’t know why.

I am 10 years old, and I just got invited to my first sleep over. Zuko’s not allowed. That makes me sad, because I like Zuko, but Ty Lee is there at least. She teaches me how to braid flowers into my hair, and Azula demands to get the prettiest flowers. That’s okay, because whatever flowers Ty Lee gives me are the prettiest flowers in the whole world. I keep the flowers in my hair all night, and they’re all squished in the morning. Azula makes fun of me for it, but Ty Lee goes and gets more flowers.

My mother doesn’t like the flowers in my hair and forces me to take them out, but I keep one secretly in my dresser, pressed tightly between the pages of my favorite book. I take it out to look at it almost every night. It doesn't have a smell anymore, but it makes me remember the feeling of Ty Lee's hands in my hair and her flowery shampoo. I breath it in anyways, even if it is just my imagination.

-

I am 12 years old, and I have two friends. Zuko abandoned us and I don’t know why. I tried asking Azula but she yelled at me and ran away. It’s stupid that nobody will tell me, I’m old enough to know anything. I’m basically a teenager by now.

I’m sad that Zuko is gone, but I pretend not to be for Ty Lee. She’s sad that he’s gone, too. I pat her on the head and tell her to ‘shhh’ like mother’s do in movies when babies are crying. I hate it when Ty Lee cries.

-

I am 13 years old, and I still have two friends. I also got throwing knives from my uncle, who made me promise not to tell mother or father. They are the most beautiful things I have ever seen, hand-crafted and gleaming and sharp. So, so sharp. Ty Lee begs me to be careful, and I promise I will be. I even demonstrated some of my skills for her. Azula seems unimpressed, but I don’t care, because Ty Lee’s shiny grey eyes are wide with wonder and it makes me feel something I can’t describe.

I like it.

-

I am 15 years old, and I still have two friends. Ty Lee joined the gymnastics team this year, and I often watch her practice after school. Not for any particular reason, I just don’t want to go home. Ty Lee is the best on the team by far, performing flips and jumps as effortlessly as she had when she was 10 years old. She looks like magic, and I still get that same weird feeling when she smiles at me.

I don’t know if I should like it anymore.

I am 15 years old, and I’m a coward.

-

I’m 16 years old, and I probably still have two friends. I can’t look Ty Lee in the eyes anymore, or I will be consumed by the mesmerizing grey and sparkling nature. I still have the dried flower in my dresser from when we were kids. I take it out and look at it far too much, it’s paper softness and fragility obvious in my callous and scarred hands. Sometimes I just want to crush it to dust in my hand, like it will make these unwanted feeling disappear. I can never bring myself to do it.

I am 16 years old, and I am a coward.

\- 

I am 17 years old, and have one friend. Maybe not even that. Love and peace and stamped down by overwhelming hatred and fear. I want to think it’s all for Azula, but I know it’s not. It’s for the part of myself that desperately wants to hold this girl I call my only friend, to brush my fingers over her soft cheeks, and…I don’t allow myself to finish the thought. I don’t know if I ever could.

I am 17 years old, and I am coward.

\- 

I am 18 years old, and I don’t really know what a friend is anymore. But I do know what fear feels like. The kind of fear of seeing someone you love in danger and realizing that your window of opportunity to tell them how you feel might close forever. The kind of fear that comes from caring for another’s life more than your own. The kind of fear that comes from knowing that you’ll never be able to tell them the truth because if you did you might really lose them forever.

I am 18 years old, and I am a coward.

But Ty Lee is not.

\- 

I am 18 years old, and I’m in love. I’m in love with soft grey eyes and light footsteps and a laugh that echoes in your ears like church bells. I’m in love with the smell of strawberries and sweetness and strong arms and the color pink because it all reminds me of her. I’m in love with the way she gasps when she sees something cute and the way she kisses me when she’s excited and the warmth of her hand in mine and the feel of her tracing her fingers over the scars on my arms and giggling at the stupid story behind each one. I’m in love with her silly habit of cartwheeling everywhere and with her grace when she performs. I’m in love with the way she loves me.

I don’t need the flower in my dresser anymore, because I have her.

I am 18 years old, and I am finally brave.


End file.
